Oct 21, 2011

Older Works

I was cleaning up the various paperwork and documents I've accumulated over the years and found some old writing I did for a class several years ago. Naturally, I re-read it to see if it was any good. Most wasn't but some was. What I like, I'll post here. I might even add notes in the comment space. Enjoy!

Wrap up the garbage on Tuesday night, and put it out Wednesday morning; look both ways before crossing the street; wait for your sister at the bus stop and walk her home; finish your homework before I get home at six o'clock; don't run with scissors; if you're going to be out late, make sure you call when you're on your way home; if you go out of town by yourself, call home when you get in; call home at least once a week when you're away at school; visit your grandmother at least once a week so she doesn't worry; call your other grandmother once a week for the same reason; this is how you fold your pants to keep the crease; this how you tie a tie; this how you spread your bed in the morning after you've slept in it; this how you change your sheets after you've slept in them for a week; comb and brush your hair so you look neat and not like the thug you're trying to become; if you're sitting, stand up whenever a lady enters the room; check all your mirrors before you pull away from the curb; always use your turn signal; but sometimes you forget to use your turn signal

Sit still in church; is it true that you sneak our of church to buy snacks at the store nearby? This is how you iron a shirt; this is how you iron pants to maintain the crease; don't take candy from strangers, you don't know where it's been; be home before the lights come on; shave your face so you look neat and not like the thug you're trying to become; if you want long hair, take care of it; lose thirty pounds; clean your room; keep your eye on the ball and swing through it; this how you tie your shoes; this is how you set a table for dinner; this how you make eggs for breakfast; this is how you make spaghetti, you will impress girls if you can cook for them; save your money, don't live paycheck to paycheck; mow the lawn; did you do the hedges too?

Don't eat with your elbows on the table, only thugs do that; stay away from fast women; but how will I know if they are fast? Are you saying that you're going to be the kind of man who won't be able to tell when a woman is fast?


  1. This was a piece I did for a writing class the summer of 2003 at BU. The assignment was to write about the lessons we were taught growing up. I used semicolons to create a nonstop feeling to the pacing.

  2. while a piece of fiction, i appreciate that you actually learned most of these lessons (except of course for the important ones about turn signals and fast women...)